I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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