How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
