you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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