I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
