i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
