i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
