K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
