So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
