just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
bring money and cleavage
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize