literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
