I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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