So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
