Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
