i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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