Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
