believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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