I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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