remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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