I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
