our cab driver is having phone sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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