I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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