I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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