i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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