is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His hands were made for my vagina.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
tell me about the eggs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
