NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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