he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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