I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
