Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just gargled with NyQuil
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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