I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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