You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
