Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Randomize
