i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
