the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
