take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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