Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
