Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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