I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
