Soap is not a condiment
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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