dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
