it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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