he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
