$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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