I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Boobs speak an international language.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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