every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
