hotel room ftw
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
