i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
