I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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