dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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