does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
do nipples grow back?
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