i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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