Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
