Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know, be my cock's hype man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
