His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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