Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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