Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
