Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize