i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
