The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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