you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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