why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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