just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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