So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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