My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
