Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
