how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
