is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
