girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
